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Point the finger at director Ron Howard (also an inexplicable Oscar winner for A Beautiful Mind) for playing it so safe that the film feels embalmed.
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How to apportion that blame for the movie’s inertia? Start with screenwriter Akiva Goldsman (an inexplicable Oscar winner for A Beautiful Mind), who manages to eradicate every ounce of suspense, spirituality and erotic fire from Brown’s novel. Vatican spokesman Archbishop Angelo Amato has called the book “stridently anti-Christian.” Hanks, in an interview, came closer to the mark by calling the fictional story “hooey” that is not meant to be taken seriously. Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa offers the first of many clues as the couple tries to evade French police captain Bezu Fache (Jean Reno), a member of Opus Dei, a conservative Catholic sect with a hidden agenda.
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Hanks remains disturbingly unruffled, even when he is framed for the monk’s crimes and goes on the run from France to England with Sophie Neveu (Audrey Tautou), a French cryptologist whose curator grandfather was the murder victim. Bettany’s rabid overacting seems to inspire Hanks to take the opposite tack. Not lovely is Silas (Paul Bettany), a crazed albino monk who’ll whack a nun to get his hands on the Grail - that is, when he’s not whipping himself with a fervor unseen since Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ. There’s been a grisly murder at the Louvre, which plays itself, by the way, and looks lovely.
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The only true controversy that remains is where you stand on the long hair Tom Hanks grew to play Robert Langdon, the Harvard prof who specializes in symbols (the movie - like the book - is loaded with them). Here’s the sure way to quiet the protesters: Have them see the movie. Conservative elements in the Catholic Church are all worked up over a plot that questions Christ’s divinity and posits a Vatican conspiracy to cover up Jesus Christ’s alleged marriage to Mary Magdalene and to drive all things feminine from the church. Da Vinci is a dud - a dreary, droning, dull-witted adaptation of Dan Brown’s religioso detective story that sold 50 million copies worldwide.